Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Extended Family, I never had that.

I'm a new Grand Dad so I'm in unfamiliar territory.

I never had the benefit of having extended family. Now I AM the extended family...
and I'm loving it.

Now I can enjoy my grand baby with out the stress.
Now I can teach my grand baby stuff secure in the knowledge that I've got 30 plus years of experience in what IS a good idea to teach a toddler and what ISN'T a good idea to teach a toddler!

Wow, 30 years of experience... I've gotten pretty good at this parenting stuff after all. I definitely know what NOT to do. I'm an expert in what NOT to do.

That fact alone is very comforting.

Neuro Linguistic Programming and Parenting

Neuro Linguistic Programming or N.L.P. is... how shall I describe it, to say it's hypnosis is a misnomer. It's the basis of Anthony Robbins work, and without going into all kinds of 'structure of subjective experience' techy talk, let's just say there is such a thing as: Dissociation

Dissociation as a Grand Parent?

In NLP if you're wanting to improve your personal experience of something, or wanting to reduce the effect of your reaction to a past event so it will have less impact on your present affairs, NLP offers this 'dissociation' as a tool to effect said change.

Wow, a mouthful, what's that got to do with being a Grand Parent?

When I was a young father, I was so caught up in relationship crap (ex cheated on me), office politics, so caught up in: "How am I going to pay this months rent" that it detracted from my 'being there' for my children.

The Lights were On, No One Was Home

Be Here Now
... my body was in the room, but "I" wasn't really present when my kids were toddlers. Instead of being a functional parent, I was a dysfunctional jealous love addict (you get the picture)

To heal a memory like that, to remove or lessen the full force of shame, NLP offers this process as a tool:

Imagine your life is a movie. You however are sitting front row at a movie theater watching the movie of your being portrayed in the movie.

When I was a stressed out parent, I was 'up there' IN the movie

Now I'm sitting in the audience watching the events as a spectator, and not so caught up in the melodrama that I can not function effectively.

Fast forward to today:

I can 'parent' my Grand Baby and I'm 'there' but don't have to deal with everything 'there'

Now, this go around, I'm able to focus on my grand baby and not be distracted by 'how am I gonna pay for this, and pay for that, and why isn't she home yet, and why am I picking up the baby when she got off already...'

Dissociated from the day to day crap and now fully in the moment.

My Grand baby's eye's LIGHT UP when I find something to teach her!

It's now a game she recognizes... I pick her up and we walk towards... something catches her attention, she KNOWS that if she leans toward X, Y or Z, Grand Daddy will let her hover over what ever it is until she's bored with it.

She is so inquisitive, I love being there for her.

and I really love that I don't have to worry about who is going to do all this dirty laundry, or take the trash out (it's not my job!)
My Job is to love my Grand Baby.

More later

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